Author Monica Nelson

Is it Time to Add the Neurodiverse HSP in Inclusivity?

Posted on August 2, 2021 by Monica

The diversion, equity, and inclusion movement we find ourselves in right now is long overdue. Understanding and accepting another person’s differences is finally gaining acceptance in the workplace. Recognizing each person’s unique contribution.

One area of diversity yet to be recognized in this movement is that of neurodiversity. There are two types of intellectual and cognitive development: neurotypical and neurodiverse. Neurodivergent individuals differ from neurotypical people in neurological function. Examples of neurodivergent brain differences include autism and ADHD.

These differences are becoming accepted as normal differences rather than deficits. As John Elder Robison so succinctly put it, they are “the result of normal, natural variation in the human genome.”

Part of this group of people are highly sensitive persons (HSPs). Variations in the nervous system of HSPs bring different perceptions to the HSP brain. HSPs are afflicted by loud noises, strong smells, bright lights, and itchy or irritating clothing. They are also deeply creative, moved by sensory experience, and aware of details and nuances in their environment.

HSPs deliver qualities to the workplace that non-HSPs are not as efficient at providing. As such, they should be recognized as positive additions to any field or profession. Instead, most are ostracized as quirky or weird.

Empathetic Leadership

One of the most prominent traits in the highly sensitive is their ability to empathize on a phenomenal level. With everyone – from employees to board members and shareholders to the most diverse clientele. This empathy builds fairness, impartiality, and the ability to bring all together in a nonjudgmental way.

Strategic Planning

The age of power-focused individuals with a narrow spotlight on productivity and profit has run its course. Once prized, the act of stepping all over customers, clients, and employees in the name of competition or profit no longer serves business well. The aware masses are rejecting this strategy and taking their business elsewhere.

HSPs, with their trait of processing their thoughts on a deeper level are well suited to developing long term strategies that connect business goals, social awareness, technology, and realistic expectations together.

Innovation

New business models that place an emphasis on what’s good for the planet, decreasing the carbon footprint, and increasing charitable outreach or lending aid to those who may need it are gaining in popularity. People wishing to support such causes research companies in search of like-minded entities. And they are moving their business.

The HSP loves beauty, nature, and all things connected with life. They are willing to speak their truth and venture into those areas that support that truth. They have the courage and conviction to bring about ideas in support of these new objectives.

Creativity in Problem Solving

HSPs are known for their depth of processing. They can take a problem and see nuances and details that might have previously been overlooked. They are keen at taking in subtle points. Then astute HSPs connect all that they’ve learned in an intuitive manner to come up with unique solutions.

Emotional Awareness

A trend in hiring today focuses on finding individuals with a high emotional quotient. An HSPs emotional awareness naturally leads them toward an exceptional EQ. They are comfortable in their own emotions, feeling them on a deeper level than most people. Through that experience HSPs know instinctively what others feel. They know what moves people, what drives them – their deepest desires. Sensitive employees connect with others on a more intimate level. All done with little or no effort. It’s an instinctual response.

HSPs have been shunned most of their lives. That childhood rejection has followed many, many of them into adulthood and the work force. If we are to include people with differences, it is important to acknowledge and open the movement up to highly sensitive employees and leaders.

If you are a highly sensitive person who is looking for advice and support, see my other blog, Mere Sense.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

When an Agreeable Chameleon Turns on You – Kindness Gone Wrong

Posted on July 26, 2021 by Monica

I once had a supervisor who had a very outgoing, super friendly, and outwardly kind demeanor. But she could and would turn on you in an instant. I was taken in initially by her outward appearance. I saw the kindness at its face value – as genuine and true kindness. But there were four or five instances where her demeanor took a 180 degree turn from kindness to nasty in a split second. It wasn’t long before I realized her true character.

I began to question whether what I was seeing 99% of the time was genuine as it appeared. I’d never taken the time to look past the surface, to evaluate the true motivation. I was so willing to accept what appeared on the outer level of our communication. This does not just apply to me. We all tend to want the interaction we share with people in our lives to be friendly and mutually beneficial. We especially crave it when we are not on the same positional level with that person. Falling prey to someone with more power than ourselves and the resulting manipulation could be devastating to our lives.

If we arm ourselves with knowledge, we can begin to build a solid defense.

Listen to Your Gut

Too often we ignore that internal sense that something is not right. That tingling in your gut, hairs that stand up on the back of your neck, mood shifts in that person’s presence. If you sense that warning within, don’t push it aside. Allow it to speak to you. What is it trying to say? If it is telling you someone is not being authentic, look a little closer, pay more attention to the nuances in their voice, their manner, and their speech.

Understand all the Reasons Someone May Be Outwardly Friendly

We hope that friendly is just that – friendly. The person you are interacting with likes and respects you and you like and respect them. But there are other unfriendly reasons someone may have to want to fake kindness.

Insecurity – that person is not confident in themselves and chooses friendliness as a superficial way to hide it
Appearances – that person wants to be known as a kind and good person
Control – that person uses kindness as a confrontational style
Manipulation – that person thinks they can get you to do what they want by being kind to you
Validation – that person likes the attention that an outgoing, overly friendly demeanor gives them

Tread with Caution

If you find yourself in a situation where someone consistently fakes friendliness and you discover a destructive purpose in their use of fake friendliness, keep your distance. If that is not possible, if you are forced to deal with someone like this, tread cautiously. Don’t take their behavior personally, but don’t fall into their trap either. Awareness keeps you informed. Be assertive when required and keep your own behavior genuine.

I am a great advocate of genuine kindness. But the key here is genuine. There is a quote, whose origin is unknown, that states “Honesty without kindness is brutality and kindness without honesty is manipulation. If we keep authentic kindness as our guide, we can navigate any phoniness that comes our way.

Posted in Advice, Emotions, Philosophy | Tagged appearances, control, Fake kindness, insecurity, kindness, manipulation, validation | Leave a comment

Devising a Fool-proof Plan to Deal with Difficult People – 3 Essential Components

Posted on July 19, 2021 by Monica

Reciprocal relationships are the ideal. The give-and-take that allows for equitable contribution and advantages promotes healthy growth for both parties. At the heart of a healthy relationship is a base of empathy and authenticity in both parties. In a perfect world every relationship you form would fall into this mutually beneficial design.

But in our increasingly self-absorbed world, you are statistically bound to enter relationships that are one-sided and even dangerous. Power and self-promotion are aggressive and predatory traits that lie at the base of these destructive relationships. And, as with all negative traits, they take over and subvert any hope of a good, solid relationship.

Unfortunately, some of these relationships are necessary. Work, social, familial – any situation that forces you to interact with someone who falls into the category of difficult person makes avoiding these people altogether impossible. So, to protect yourself, you must formulate a plan and stick to it when dealing with them. Here are some key components to devising a plan that works.

Set Your Boundaries

You are a distinct person. So is the person you are dealing with. Separate, with different histories, different motivations, different perspectives and goals. If you are dealing with someone who is motivated by power, you will have to know yourself, your values, and your limits, and know them well. Any wavering on your part may be an invitation for exploitation. Knowing where they lie and becoming confident in asserting them is essential.

Bring Empathy to the Interaction

We all have wounds in our past. These wounds shape how we interact with people. Keep in mind that you will not know the extent of a person’s challenges, the kind of injuries that make someone behave the way they do. If you knew a person’s complete history, it might appall you. If you remember this while you are interacting with these people, it will make it easier for you to separate the person from their behavior.

Important: Empathy is a double-edged sword. Having empathy for a person’s past does not mean you allow that person to dominate or manipulate you, which brings us to our final component.

Commitment to Calm Assertion

Dealing with power-driven people is a trigger for your hot buttons. They love to gain control over you and you losing command of your anger is proof to them that they are in control. Use discipline and firm assertion to get your point across without raising your voice, flying off the handle, or resorting to violence. If hot-button issues are a challenge for you, work on your EQ. Practice calming your mind when pushed and take up practices like meditation for serenity and peace.

You can’t change someone else’s behavior, but you can be a model of healthy behavior to look up to. Difficult people often strive to win on their own terms. With a dedicated plan and calm, but firm, assertion you can stop their manipulations dead in their tracks.

Posted in Advice | Tagged assertiveness, boundaries, conflict, Difficult people, relationships | Leave a comment

Living with SPARK in My Life

Posted on July 12, 2021 by Monica

We all need a personal mission statement. Most of us do have a code within us that we follow, consciously or unconsciously. Our values and ethics, what’s important to us, and where we find meaning makes its way into our behavior. For me, putting a concept in writing solidifies it. The act of writing it down defines and ingrains the words into my soul.

My personal mission statement can be summarized by the letters in the word SPARK. By describing it to you below, I hope to spark you into writing your own, because my mission in general is to introduce as much light as I can give into a world of pain and sorrow – a world of dark emptiness.

S = Self-actualization/Self-improvement

While this gives a first impression of self-absorption, it is really a selfless aim. Working on improving myself, I gain a better understanding of other people’s perceptions. Empathy and tolerance drive this motivation. As we begin to see ourselves as more alike than different, we gain a wider perspective.

Self-improvement leads us down the path to self-actualization, the goal. The higher we get on the self-actualized scale, the more peace and love build within us. These attributes produce more harmony all around.

P = Passion/Patience/Persistence

We all have a purpose. It is our mission to find and fulfill it. Passion for life is the fuel that fires up our passion. And passion is what will lead us with gusto through every step of our mission. I won’t say that life never gets me down because it does. But when it does, I work to find that passion again. That is what gives me the oomph to move forward. Patience and persistence factor into the oomph I’m talking about. Without those traits, my passion would die. Use persistence to keep going when the going gets tough. And have patience with yourself along the way.

A = Authenticity

If we are not real, we only kid ourselves. I strive to live with a genuineness that covers every aspect of my life. It starts with being honest and authentic with myself. Who am I really? If there is an aspect of myself I don’t like, I must change it. But I can’t know what it is unless I am honest with myself on every detail.

I follow this with honesty in my relationships and my outward face to the world. I see no good in someone loving and accepting me if it is not the real me. I have learned to live without the people who reject who I am down to the bone. They usually end up being the people who I prefer not to be around anyway.

R = Respect

I honor respect so I try my best to respect everything in my life. I respect other people, animals, nature, my creativity. I respect the laws of good conduct and try to maintain a high level of conscientiousness in all I do. Respect in all manner of interactions.

K = Kindness

On my desk is a small plaque that reads “Scatter Kindness.” It is there to remind me of the power of kindness. It can conquer all manner of evil. Kindness breaks down barriers. It makes friends. It makes enemies stop and think. It lightens a heavy load. It spreads compassion where there is pain. It brings people together. In a world of increasing road rage, social media bullying, and “me-me-me” self-centeredness, kindness along with thoughtfulness sets a much-needed example.

This is my personal mission statement – my mantra to live by. I hope I have inspired you to set down into words your own calling. Yours may not be SPARK. It may be SHINE or HAPPY, or whatever unique acronym you discover within yourself. You are an extraordinary person. Writing down your personal mission can help you fix that exceptional calling firmly into place.

Posted in Advice, Philosophy | Tagged Authenticity, goals, kindness, Passion, Personal mission statement, Respect, self-actualization | Leave a comment

Three Positive Aspects of Regret and How to Attain Them

Posted on July 5, 2021 by Monica

Regret is considered a negative emotion. It is defined as great sorrow or disappointment because of something that has happened, usually resulting in loss or missed opportunity. The mind distress that accompanies regret, if left unattended, can grow and fester. Leading to other negative consequences: poor self-esteem, distraction in accomplishing positive goals, and treating others badly.

Image courtesy of Casey Horner on Upsplash — Image courtesy of Casey Horner on Unsplash.

If you suffer from any of those negative consequences, you know that they do no one any good. What if you could turn those behaviors into positives? You can.

Below are three ways to replace your negative responses with positive ones:

Regret as a Spiritual Path

Most people ascribe to a higher power in some form or another. The higher power most people believe in always wants the best for you. Our individual paths may be fraught with challenges but if we keep in mind that every challenge is under the control of that higher power, than we know that whatever happens, happens for a reason.

Face each challenge with gratitude. Remember: whatever happened did so with your best interest at heart. Do what you can to make amends for any wrongdoing on your part and learn from your mistakes. Allow your faith to grow through the process.

Silver Linings

What you see as the worst of outcomes in any given situation may not be that at all. We tend to look at events in our lives through our own narrow focus. You may not have all the facts now or in the future. There may be reasons beyond your current knowledge that makes the incident of your regret the best possible outcome for all concerned.

Reframe what happened. Look at the reasons why you made the choice you did. Explore other possible outcomes. Were there extenuating circumstances you were unaware of. Or facts that did not come to light previously. Reframe your experience considering those factors.

Wisdom Building

There is no more powerful a teacher than mistakes. Look over your past. You will see growth and changes in yourself that you might not have accomplished without the benefit of learning from mistakes. This is because pain and embarrassment cause us to think twice before making that same error again. Then, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes.

Empathy is also a wonderful instructor. When we set our mirror neurons to work looking from another person’s perspective, we gain wisdom through that person’s experience.

Take an outside view. When you take yourself and your emotions out of the equation, you will see it in its purest light. Given the circumstances, would you judge someone else taking that action as harshly as you do yourself? Doing this allows you to glean the lessons learned while keeping judgment at a minimum.

Regret can incapacitate our lives in destructive ways. It can also help us improve our lives. Use these aspects of regret to make those improvements in your life.

Posted in Advice, Emotions | Tagged disappointment, guilt, Regret, shame, sorrow, wisdom | Leave a comment

Three Empathic Traits to Assist You in Spotting a Fake Smile

Posted on June 28, 2021 by Monica

The smile is a universal means of nonverbal communication. Authentic, it conveys warmth, a positive and harmonious image, and openness/vulnerability. All welcoming traits. But it can also be used as a weapon of deception by manipulators.

Science has studied smiles and their presentment. But, to date, the best way to distinguish the fake from the genuine smile is through our mirror neurons. People who are most efficient at telling the difference are those who have the most empathy.

The key to building your skills in spotting a fake smile lies in using your innate empathic traits to evaluate each smile as it arises. Keep these tips in mind as you go about your interactions.

Be Aware of Your Gut Reaction

Your first indication of trouble comes immediately. Pay attention to that instantaneous feeling. Most often it will be an unsettled feeling. But it may go beyond that to a feeling of doom, fear, or foreboding. Intuition often picks up signals that the mind doesn’t consciously recognize.

Increase your Emotional Intelligence (EI)

Increasing your EI builds empathy. It starts with the ability to perceive, understand, and regulate your own emotions. Doing so, you develop the ability to comprehend and navigate interpersonal relationships with compassion and discernment. As you get better at this, it strengthens your intuition and you automatically fathom differences in falsity vs. genuineness.

Increase Your Observational Skills

When someone begins to smile at you, focus on their eyes. Are they looking at you with positive intention? That’s good. Is their attention 100%, or do they exhibit some far-away dimension to their gaze? If you can focus in on this scrutiny, it won’t be long before your intuition takes over and you register the answers without thinking about it.

While the eyes themselves present subjective evidence, you can find more objective confirmation on either side of the eyes.

In 1862, a French neurologist named Duchenne de Boulogne discovered a trait that distinguishes a fake smile from a real one. The orbicularis oculi muscles (muscles that wrap around the eyes) will contract during an authentic smile. This motion creates what is commonly called crows’ feet in the skin parallel to the eyes.

While there are cunning and wily people who have discovered how to imitate this feature, it remains a stalwart characteristic of the genuine smile. Recognizing this phenomenon helps to validate whether you are observing an authentic or faked smile.

The first impression smile is an early indication of a person’s intent. Learn to read the smile and it will improve your interpersonal relationship acumen.

Posted in Advice | Tagged Empathy, fake smile, genuine smile, highly sensitive person, intuition, manipulation | Leave a comment

Five Reasons Why You Should Do Right when You’ve Been Wronged

Posted on June 21, 2021 by Monica

The very human response to someone when they’ve wronged you is to fight back. In some way, to get even, to vindicate yourself, to make yourself look better, to save your pride. There are a multitude of reasons. But is this the best course of action?

Justice is a huge theme in our society. We believe so much in justice that we include it, in the same breath with liberty, in our nation’s pledge of allegiance. Justice is a hallmark, a cornerstone of our country’s foundation. Justice as an ideal is a wonderful goal. But reality shows us that there are many takers in the world, enough for everyone to experience a major wrong at least once in our lives. That doesn’t count the numerous smaller wrongs we experience every day.

I am not advocating that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of. That’s an entirely different subject. But when the situation is out of our control, when there is no amount of assertiveness that will undo the wrong, do we seek out harm?

Vigilante justice can be more destructive than simply letting it go. Here are five more reasons to take the high road:

Escalating an Issue Only Makes Things Worse

You’ve probably been here before. You push back on someone who has taken advantage of you. They don’t like that you’ve pushed back on them so they push a little harder. You match their push-back, and they ramp up the belligerence. The vicious cycle continues until someone has to back down. If not, violence will be the result.

Image: “LK Road-Wrong Way Sign” by meta_maria_hb is marked under CC0 1.0.

The Wrong Doer Get Justification

If you retaliate when you’ve been wronged, the person who committed the evil suddenly has an out for their behavior. You are just as bad as they are so they perceive their harm as justified. After all, you are both on the same level.

Revenge Will Only Hurt You in the Long Run

An act of revenge may give you a momentary high of justification. But that wears off rather quickly. Revenge invites another act of revenge, and you start looking over your shoulder. If you’ve committed a crime in your act of revenge, you must face those consequences. Then there is the remorse. You end up wondering if that momentary high was worth the continual lows of remorse.

Setting the Right Example

If you have children, or standing in the community, you will have people looking to you for guidance. Do you want your legacy to include bad behavior?

Turning the Other Cheek Builds Character

Self-actualization demands that we continually improve ourselves. Move up the ladder toward becoming the best that we can be. Character building leads us up that ladder. It takes a stellar character, patience, strength of spirit, and fortitude of mind to overcome primal anger and let go of an incident of wrongdoing committed against us. This requires a forgiving nature.

Taking that step further into forgiveness has monumental rewards. On outward appearance, it looks like forgiving someone is doing them a big favor. The biggest secret to forgiveness is that it has huge benefits for the one doing the forgiving, but little to none for the one being forgiven. Try it. You will be surprised how great you feel.

Human nature tells us to retaliate when we’ve been wronged. Choosing to confront and traverse that instinctual option in favor of a more ethical and respected stance takes courage. But there are good reasons to do so. Which choice will you make?

Posted in Advice, Philosophy | Tagged Doing Right, Justice, Revenge, Wronged | Leave a comment

To Be or Not to Be — Agreeable?

Posted on June 14, 2021 by Monica

From our earliest experiences, most of us learn that to thrive in any work environment, we must be pleasant to be around. No one wants to be around a grump. Or a jerk. We must be compliant, complacent, altruistic, and humble. Often that means swallowing our true feelings and stepping back. We may speak up to voice an opinion, but if it is shot down by someone of a higher status, we must capitulate. Sometimes it means allowing those in authority to take the credit for what may be our own stellar ideas.

This is what we’ve all come to believe is what it takes to be a “good” employee. We’ve come to believe that this is the way business is supposed to be run.

When I entered my undergraduate program, one of the tenets of my “adult, professional” program was the belief that higher education’s ultimate goal was to teach the art of critical thinking. The entire program was set around this premise. For those who are new to the concept, critical thinking is the process of analyzing and evaluating an issue in detail so that you are able to form your own true opinion. The idea was to equip students with the ability to contribute positive input to the working population. Using as many opinions and viewpoints as possible yields the highest return, therefore moving business and society forward.

Quite a disparity in practice.

Adam Grant’s 2×2 grid of the types of employees

Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and Wharton professor, has discovered what he promotes as the best employee – the disagreeable giver. Within his grid of employee types, he identifies this type of giver as the relentless employee, pushing for change when he/she receives resistance in return. This giver usually is cantankerous in his/her push for the greater good. But, if listened to, often can effect the needed changes an organization is able to use to improve its culture, productivity, etc.

This person, though, is rare. And with good reason. It takes a certain type of courage to push an agenda that may step on upper-level management’s toes. And it takes rare leadership to be willing to overlook personal pride in the name of the greater good.

The second-best employee is the agreeable giver. That would be the category most “good” employees fall into – going above and beyond what is asked of them and shutting up when they disagree with anyone on the corporate ladder above them. There are many, many of these employees.

The agreeable giver comes in second because even though that person is a giver (positive contribution), their lack of courage in making their good ideas known does little to none as far as moving the organization forward.

Does this premise also apply to outside of work? You bet it does. Recent political and social injustice issues have polarized our country. Two factions taking sides. You must belong to and support whichever side you choose. The common belief is that there is no third side, no in-between. There is only right and wrong, depending upon which side you take, each claiming the other to be the evil side.

Few arguments in life are so explicit. Few “sides” are so definitively right, or wrong. Most squabbles have basic truths underlying their branches. The key is to set emotion and bias aside in order to land on a solution acceptable to both. Then work toward that solution.

To solve the sticky and difficult issues we face today, we need disagreeable givers, not just in the workplace, but in life also. Those people who will employ a superior model of critical thinking, examine both sides with completely uncompromised analysis, and bring the full force of their creativity to light to find answers acceptable to both sides.

Then, and here’s the most important part of it, step into the fray to enlighten while taking flak from both sides. Disagreeable givers. Do you have the courage to be one of them?

For Survival Tips when becoming a disagreeable giver, see my LinkedIn Article.

Posted in Philosophy | Tagged Disagreeable Giver, Undervalued Employee | Leave a comment

Biological Alarm Bells – Three Steps to Defy Fear in Everyday Life

Posted on June 7, 2021 by Monica

In my memoir, I wrote about an incident that frightened me so badly that I experienced a freeze reaction. It took place during the summer after I graduated from high school. Alone in the house, I lay on my bed reading a book that primed my mood to terror. In the waning light of the evening, my mood set to hypervigilance, the light illuminating the pages suddenly went dark. Gone with the light was any last fortitude my mind held onto.

My reaction was instant and uncontrollable. I hurled myself into the mattress and froze every muscle in my body. This automatic reaction lasted what seemed like an eternity. The reality was that it probably only lasted a minute or two before I was able to move my mind and body into action to investigate the situation.

Looking back on the incident, I can now laugh at the overexaggerated and outrageous response. But at the time, the panic was real.

Image: “Brick-moji: Fearful face” by Ochre Jelly is marked with CC PDM 1.0

We all experience fear in some form or another. Whether mild or life-threatening, fear plays a vital part in our survival. But when fear moves beyond helpful to nuisance or getting in the way, we need a plan to control it.

These are the steps I’ve found useful in keeping it under control:

Step One: Change Your Mindset

When we chastise ourselves for succumbing to fear’s aggressiveness, we give up our power. The first step you must take is to accept that you are doing the best you can at any given moment. Joseph Shrand, M.D., in his book The Fear Reflex, Five Ways to Overcome It and Trust Your Imperfect Self, calls this the I-M. When you are doing the best you can at this moment, in this situation, you are at your maximum. I-M stands for “I am at my maximum.”

After you have acknowledged this, you will find the will to find it easier to make changes. The I-M realization puts a practical perspective on your attitude. When you respect yourself, you regain your personal power.

Using that power combined with intention fuels your efforts.

Step Two: Massage the Biology

Fear is not only an emotional reaction, but also a physical reaction. It begins with emotional detection in the amygdala, activating stress hormones that trigger the fight-or-flight reaction in your body. Using calming techniques during normal times assists your body in lowering your stress reaction during intense anxiety and fright. Practice meditation, progressive relaxation, and/or deep breathing exercises daily. Be sure to get your exercise and physical activity in. Daily repetition reenforces the results.

Fears that arise from childhood issues or trauma situations may require the help of a trained therapist to help you confront or reframe certain fears.

Make it a goal to reduce fear, but not to eliminate it. Remember, fear serves a proper purpose in your life.

Step Three: Confront with Courage

Your final step is to face each fear with courage. Armed with your I-M mindset and daily fear reduction practices, you will begin to conquer those unnecessary fears that stand in the way of leading the life you deserve to lead.

Fear is a great tool for successfully navigating life’s ups and downs. But it is a tool that needs polish to be most effective. Use these steps to keep fear working efficiently for you.

For a deeper look at the fight-or-flight response in people who are emotionally responsive

Posted in Advice, Emotions | Leave a comment

The Absolute Need for Purpose in Your Life and Three Steps to Achieve It

Posted on May 31, 2021 by Monica

Life. It’s free. But priceless. You can’t buy it. You have no assurance of how long it will last. So, it’s best to make the most of it. How do you use this precious gift?

Most people amble through life with little direction. An activity that leaves us empty in the end.

Drawing meaning from life is simple, albeit counterintuitive. It requires you to choose your contribution to the world around you, then pursue that contribution with purpose and intention. And it requires that that mission be an aim that benefits someone beyond yourself. Each of us has unique qualities, characteristics that coalesce into the contribution that only we as unique individuals can make.

Your first step then on the road to purpose is to define what only you can bring to the world.

Step One – Finding Your Purpose

What is meaningful to you?

The barometer for this exists within each person. We have unique experiences that result in unique points of view. Within that unique perspective you will find your meaning. Your purpose will look different than anyone else’s. But it will include acts such as kindness, generosity, honesty, imagination, courage, caring, teamwork, thoughtfulness, consideration, giving of yourself for the greater good – the list is endless.

Search your inner soul. It will reveal to you causes that are meaningful. Activities that you enjoy. Passions that you can lose yourself in. These are the building blocks to your purpose.

Step 2 — Set a Goal and Spend your Life in Pursuit of that Goal

Your purpose demands a destination. Some examples are:

Setting up an organization to educate on the evils of global warming;
Creating a business where a certain percentage of sales go to a worthy cause;
Writing a book to point out a societal change that you feel must be made;
Devoting your life to the end of bullying.

You will need to set minor and major goals, steps to reach your objective. Your cause may or may not be fulfilled in your lifetime. If it is, that’s great – find more that can be done. If it isn’t, your work is not in vain. You will advance the cause so that another can pick it up.

Step 3 — Do Deliberate Practice

Getting your plan is easier than fulfilling it. If it requires adjustment, that’s fine. But remain on the course. That demands that you discipline yourself to stick with it. Adjust as necessary, with the focus solidly on your final intent.

Daily practice is key to your progress. Work your plan with focus, concentration, and drive. Do what is necessary to maintain your motivation.

To live a life of meaning, find the purpose you were intended for and work every moment to its fruition. Your legacy is your contribution.

Posted in Philosophy | Leave a comment