Tag Archives: relationships

What Makes Us Perfect is Our Imperfection

By Monica Nelson As a writer, I adore watching movies in order to study story structure. I will devour the really well made flicks over and over to catch nuances that I may have missed in the previous viewings. When I started this pastime, I discovered a side glitch that I didn’t expect. I began to see errors in production – for instance, an article of clothing that was invented or used only after the time period the story took place. Or a glimpse of a piece of filming equipment in the background. All imperfections to an otherwise perfect creation. I realized that this is a very apt metaphor for … Continue reading

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You Can Change Other People, But Not in the Way You Think You Can

By Monica Nelson We’ve all heard how you can not change another person – that if you cannot accept someone’s behavior, your only option is to no longer associate with them. This is important advice if the behavior you cannot accept is violent or otherwise threatening. But in everyday relationships where unacceptable behavior is hurtful but not threatening or simply annoying, you do possess the ability to change that person’s behavior. But it is not in the way you think you can. When people want to change another person’s behavior, they typically resort to nagging, manipulation, or controlling behavior of their own. This type of solution is not a solution. … Continue reading

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Paying a Higher Form of Compliment

By Monica Nelson Think about a time when you received a compliment that made you feel like walking on air. Knowing that someone else has recognized one of your shining characteristics and taken the effort to praise you for it is a great feeling. Giving another person a compliment is not only a social grace, it is a way to uplift and affirm them. Paying someone a compliment is a loving act. And something we should do more often for one another. So why not do it right? Superficial Compliments When we want to compliment someone, we often go with the first thing that comes into our minds. This usually … Continue reading

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Two Very Different Ways to Deal With Hurt

By Monica Nelson You’ve been hurt by someone you care about. They have carelessly taken your heart and stomped all over it. How you react not only tells a lot about who you are as a person, it dictates how you feel. There are as many unique ways to react to a hurt as there are individuals on this earth. But let’s take a look at some general responses and analyze how they affect your life. One: Allowing Emotionally Overrun Responses These type of responses occur when you allow your hurt and pain to take over. When you let anger, bitterness, and vengeance have ultimate control, your response becomes a … Continue reading

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If You Need an Excuse . . . The Power and Pain of Separation

By Monica Nelson Standing in the back of the crowded pavilion, the largest building for miles able to accommodate this size crowd, I watched as two darkly dressed, solemn-faced funeral workers shifted the coffin into place in front of otherwise inconspicuous back doors. Within seconds, the doors opened. The new widow flanked by two young men emerged slowly from the opening. The trio stepped up to the coffin and stared down into it. Though we were not close to the family, the youngest of the children is my son’s classmate. We wanted to show our support for them at a very difficult time. The standing-room only crowd forced us closer … Continue reading

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The Double-Edged Sword of Secrets; How They Hurt, How They Help

By Monica Nelson I have a secret that I’ve held for years. It’s an embarrassing incident that, to this day, makes me cringe and want to duck out of sight for the rest of my life. What I am doing instead is writing about it. A decision that is at the same time fool-hearty and freeing. I wrote about the event in the introduction portion of a current project. I realize that my secret will be out there for everyone to see, but it is necessary to the context of the book. Outlining the contents made me realize that the root of my interest in the subject came from the … Continue reading

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When Closeness is Overwhelming; Healing the Fear of Emotional Intimacy

By Monica Nelson Kathy was a woman I met years ago when I was taking postgraduate courses. She was an attractive woman who drew people to herself like a magnet. She always had loving and caring words for people around her. Everyone felt the warmth of her glow. We became friends quickly. But like a floating ember from a campfire, the relationship burned brightly at first, then blew away to nothing in the wind. My friends, like most women friends, share a bond of emotional intimacy that lies at the heart of our relationships. We build our connections with feelings, emotions, and soul secrets. The vulnerability of these sentiments cement … Continue reading

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