Category Archives: Discerning Your World

How to Stop Manipulative or Controlling Behavior in Close Relationships

By Monica Nelson Last week we talked about how manipulators who are also emotionally intelligent people can covertly exploit you. You are in particular danger if you are a sensitive and highly empathetic person. One word of warning before we start: If the manipulator or manipulators in your life are also physically abusive, you must take the proper steps to separate yourself from them. If you choose to use these steps to work on the relationship, be sure to do so in a safe environment with others present. Counseling settings are appropriate as safe environments. I urge you to take the time and effort to ensure your own safety. First … Continue reading

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Is Emotional Intelligence a Double-edged Sword? – Beware the EI Covert Emotional Manipulators

By Monica Nelson Empathy is a strong and mostly positive character trait. We value empathy for its power in encouraging good moral behavior in society, teaching our young the difference between right and wrong, and creating a philanthropic sensitivity toward the less-fortunate in our world. But, like so many other things, empathy can be exploited. And often is in the hands of skillful manipulators. Manipulators come in all forms. Some are driven by character deficiencies, others by low self-esteem and painful or tragic pasts. Some, however, are simply born that way. But the very worst are those who know that they are manipulating others and continue to do so for … Continue reading

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Seven Forgiveness Rules Memorialized in Insightful Quotes

By Monica Nelson You can learn a great deal from leaders and thinkers who make their mark on society sharing their insights. Below are seven rules to remember in making forgiveness a priority in your life. Each is accompanied by a renowned quote to help solidify its relevance. Rule 1: Forgiving another is one of the hardest actions you can perform. Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. –Cherie Carter-Scott The reason forgiveness is such a difficult act is because it forces us beyond our boundaries. It makes us look beyond ourselves and empathize, gain compassion and humility, and in so doing, strengthen … Continue reading

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Two Very Different Ways to Deal With Hurt

By Monica Nelson You’ve been hurt by someone you care about. They have carelessly taken your heart and stomped all over it. How you react not only tells a lot about who you are as a person, it dictates how you feel. There are as many unique ways to react to a hurt as there are individuals on this earth. But let’s take a look at some general responses and analyze how they affect your life. One: Allowing Emotionally Overrun Responses These type of responses occur when you allow your hurt and pain to take over. When you let anger, bitterness, and vengeance have ultimate control, your response becomes a … Continue reading

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Getting Past the Past, so You Can Live in the Present

By Monica Nelson A basic thread throughout many of my posts is the need to live in the present. I believe we don’t fully live unless we use each moment we are given to experience that life. Unfortunately, there are a number of impediments that divert our attention and cause present-minding distraction. Let’s take a look at some of these and find ways to overcome them: Stop Ruminating on the Past The term rumination came about from how a cow chews its cud. It is a perfect picture for how we reflect on and relive over and over again past incidents that caused us pain or sorrow. The simple answer … Continue reading

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If your happiness depended upon it, could you accept yourself without reservation?

By Monica Nelson A recent study showed something quite amazing. A survey of 5,000 people rated responses to ten scientifically-identified happiness “keys” or habits. The keys are these: Giving Relating Exercising Appreciating Trying out Direction Resilience Emotion Acceptance Meaning Respondents were asked to rate how often they practiced these habits. Which one do you think came in last? Okay, I gave it away already. Acceptance (self-acceptance) was the one least practiced. It scored a lowly 5.56 out of 10. Giving came in first with 7.41. I find that troubling, because you cannot truly give from the heart if you come from a position of self-debasement. So why do so many of … Continue reading

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Simple Steps, Real Change: Cure Hopelessness with Learned Optimism

By Monica Nelson This is the last in a series of small changes to make to your life that affect it in a big way. Hopelessness is one of the most insidious emotions. Like a wildfire set out to destroy all in its path, it paralyzes not only the sufferer but also anyone that person comes in contact with. It has always been a scourge that stifles human growth and happiness. Its effects are devastating. In 2010, there were 38,364 U.S. deaths resulting from suicide, a side effect of hopelessness and depression. All of us deal with depression and pessimism to some degree. So, even if your blues are not … Continue reading

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Make the Most of 2014 – Throw Your Old Way of Goal Setting in the Trash and Follow These Four Tips for Setting Goals

By Monica Nelson This is the time of year when I examine my essence. I become more aware of where I’ve been and where I’m going, who I am, and what I really want to be. As we approach the new year, I suspect that most people feel the same way. What I find interesting is that most people react to this conscious or subconscious soul examination by creating lofty goals: grow my business, find a new career, lose weight, find a soul mate, earn more money, etc. And for most people, those goals start out enthusiastically enough. We become fired up on January 1, making great inroads to our … Continue reading

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Make the Season Last – Enjoy the Holiday Feeling All Year Long

By Monica Nelson I revel in the joys of the holiday season. No, it’s not the gifts that stir my internal celebration. It’s the feel. It seems everyone puts aside their angst and bitterness during these few short weeks of the year. The air is alive with cheer, hope, and happiness. This, in and of itself, makes the holidays a time to celebrate. But when the holidays end, we all go back to our grumpiness. Is it possible to get the feel of the holidays all year long? I pulled together a few of the characteristics that I have found make the holidays a bright and warm time. A time … Continue reading

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The How of Intuition – A Personal View

By Monica Nelson A few days ago, scientists at the University of Southern Denmark announced they had made what they call a surprising discovery. Professor Susanne Mandrup and her research group discovered that skin communicates with the liver. I’m no scientist. So I have to accept the experts’ explanation that this is truly a surprising discovery. But to me, it makes perfect sense. Although I have little scientific background, I have a keen interest in quantum physics and quantum entanglement. Although difficult to understand, I’ll do my best to give a short explanation. Quantum entanglement is a major principle of quantum physics. It says that a particle (a very tiny … Continue reading

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